10 minutes of madness lets a big scalp slip away

After an up and down start to 2025, the Hammers welcomed fellow southwest Londoners to Wimbledon to Hurlingham Park. With the danger of Storm Eowyn potentially looming from across the Irish Sea, it was only the combination of everyone’s favourite northern Irishman McNeil and Eee-oin on the team sheet that actually looked like causing damage on Saturday. On what was a perfect winter’s afternoon for running rugby, and following a well-fought, close opening fixture fixtures against this top-4 team, it promised to be a day that ‘these red men’ could potentially cause an upset. 

This was exactly how the game began to shape up. Following some early pressure in Wimbledon territory and some hard carrying by the likes of Carolan, McNeil et al,  the Hammers found themselves with a lineout 5m from the Wimbledon line. Captain Proctor gave the orders, Hostetler hits the treble 20, and after a good initial surge Dugdale snuck in the corner for the opening try of the game with the conversion to follow. How would Wimbledon respond?

Annoyingly quite well, after some unforced errors by the home side they took their opportunity well and levelled the score shortly after, 7-7 after the opening 15 minutes. 

Following some ill-discipline, field position was gifted to the away side and Wimbledon applied a lot of pressure testing the Hammers defensive line, but the door was shut time and time again.  The dogged defensive set being led by the most miserable hooker/back row hybrid you are likely to find (SVB) and Max Hyde’s absent father (Rogan). The men in red were struggling for a way out until the Wimbledon backline served up a googly that was well-anticipated and latched onto by Dugdale who set off for a race to the line. Being hunted down by Wimbledon defenders and not quite having the legs to go all the way, Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmand’s love child (Marshall MacCleod) appeared by his side to take it over the line and score his first of the game. Carolan inevitably converting. 

Wimbledon were refusing to go away, taking 3 points when available, pushing the Hammers back into their own half and scoring off a first phase scrum play. 15-14 to the away side after half an hour.  But momentum shifted when Dugdale came up trumps again, laying out the Wimbledon fly half and leaving him in a similar position to receive from one of Bangkok’s finest (for a second time). Some strong scrummaging from the pack led by Poulton, and excellent control from Yorkshire’s/Tumbridge’s finest forced Wimbledon back towards their own line providing the field position for Proctor to go into his bag of tricks at a close-range lineout. Hammers forwards enter stage left with the greatest piece of deception seen since Josh AA told a Hinge date he was over 5 foot. For some, acting wasn’t required as Bagshaw caught the ball with the same confusion on his face at every line out (he knows the calls), the forward pack setting up the maul for Hostetler to go over the line. Carolan added a penalty shortly after to give the Hammers a 22-15 lead at half time.  

With the words of our own little French general ringing in our ears, the home side hoped the start of the second half would resemble the Battle of Austerlitz rather than Waterloo. Unfortunately, it would prove to be the latter.

Following some unfortunate and unforced errors, Wimbledon were able to score two quick tries to start the second half and take the lead 27-22.  It was a crucial error. After a bit of foreplay in between the 22’s, and some substitutions with Dr John entering the game, the Hammers looked to respond in kind. Getting the ball just inside his own half, the Caravan mades a strong line break finds Marshal running a great support line and puts him in for his second try of the game and the conversion to follow. Our second half had now started.

Unfortunately, it did not continue in the same vain with ill-discipline and unforced errors becoming the theme. Consequently, Wimbledon scored 14 unanswered points to take their lead out to 41-29. With a victory looking unlikely this point, the Hammers rolled up their sleeves and set their sights on chasing the second bonus point. Camped on the Wimbledon line for the last 10 minutes of the game, we would not be denied. The Hammers were carrying the ball with the same disdain for the opposition as Jacob Poulton has for left-wing politics, led by the tiniest man on the pitch and our bearded leader, Josh AA. A bit of niggle off the ball from the Zak the Human Pear combined with relentless pressure saw two Wimbledon yellow cards being dealt out and the heat turned up in this proverbial Masterchef kitchen for the final few minutes. Eventually, the Wimbledon defence was breached and Carolan crossed over the whitewash, converting his own try.  

As the final whistle was blown, this undoubtedly felt like an opportunity missed.  2 bonus points may well prove crucial as the end of the season rolls around, so next week demands a huge effort against Camberley at Hurlingham Park.