And so it was to pass that the Hammers 3XV would be defending fortress hurlingham alongside the 1^st XV in a crunch weekend on the 25^th January knowing only a victory stood against 2 big opponents in their way of an evening on the (pub) golf course….

We all know the story behind the 1^st XVs sensational victory against our local rivals Chis-wick and so it is here where we pick up our 3^rd XVs round…..

The driving range was good, energy and focus appeared to be in abundance except for the late arrival of a one Sebastian “DALY” Money…… the team hoped he would make up for it with his accuracy from the tee.

The game teed off with a nice lob wedge where the hammers gained some good territory early on. Mike “Bjorn” Cook making a great break, like a nice 7 iron in from 170 yards, only to knock the ball forward, the rugby equivalent of a 4 putt.

25/30 minutes passed with both teams battling hard, with the Hammers gaining most of the territory but with little reward, until a young Magnus “Mcilroy” Barber broke free down the right wing to touch down. Stephen “Rose” Harris missed the conversion, chipping his approach straight into a ditch.

Not long later a try from Alex “Poulter” Kwan added to the score following some good work by Rob “Stenson” Fox.

Half time Hammers were 2UP (12-0)

The 2^nd round (half) started very much like the first with a lot of level Par play with Hammers gaining a lot of territory without much reward.

This was until a hooked drive (clearing kick) was gathered by the Hammers four ball treating the Par 5 on offer like it was merely a Par 3…. Harris to Fox to Cook to Billy to go over in the corner. A superb score crafted brilliantly by all those involved.

The game continued with some heavy drives and hits being made throughout by Barber aka Mcilroy and Fox aka Stenson, both would be happy with this round.

Then the introduction of James “Tiger woods” Cramp, bringing the subtlety of a boozed up and affair laden player, his first touch was to simply gift the opposition a try…. Maybe bringing back this washed up player for his cameo was a mistake.

The opposition were clearly Buoyed by this and desperate defence and pure grit kept them at bay on the 17^th only for them to cross again in the corner with the last play of the game.

Not the prettiest round the Hammers 3XV will partake in this season, however a win is a win!!

Hammers won 3 and 2 – 17-10.

The away fixture at Hampstead provided the usual pre-match game of ‘where the f**k are their changing rooms’. Head coach Mark Jackson struggled with the search in particular, walking around the mansions of Hampstead aimlessly following dud directions from his senior players. He wouldn’t have been so late were he not slowed down by many of the residences’ security guards intervening, fearing the tracksuited Irishman was scouting out his next burglary target.

The early drama and reduced warm-up time helped to sharpen Hammersmith & Fulham’s focus, and the clinical warm-up that followed proved to be an early indicator of things to come.

So. First half.

Things didn’t get off to the best of starts, with one or the worst kick-offs in rugby history after Joel Carolan had given it the big “going deep” chat instead dribbling meekly over the 10 metre line –but this was soon forgotten as the Hammers got into attacking gear quickly. A period of early possession and slick handling meant prop Jacob Poulton found himself with ball in hand out wide in a strong attacking position in the opposition half. Recollections of the exact distance from the try line vary widely, but one thing that isn’t up for debate was the efficiency with which he put away his try. Dummy to Will Smith thrown, afterburners on, he ate up the 10-45m quickly to turn in the first try. Alex Hart was quick to point out after the game that he was on hand to finish the effort, if required. Joe Carolan missed the conversion, obviously. 0-5

Overconfident after their initial success, Hammersmith let their opposition back into the game. The Hampstead no 4, who would carrying well all game, found and broke through a gap in the Hammersmith back line before putting his number 13 into space to go under the sticks. 7-5

Momentary blip forgotten, Hammersmith returned to their attacking ways. A few phases of forwards ball followed by a slick out-the-back move put number 13 James Lo onto the ball just inside his own half. Bouncing out of a double tackle, he carved up the remaining Hampstead defenders like a well-cooked Sunday roast and made his way through the bog to the try line – his Friday morning bi’s-and-tri’s gym session really showed as he held off a tackler to go over the white wash. Joe Carolan didn’t add the extras, naturally. 7-10

The following period of Hammersmith attacking dominance in the opposition half brought two penalties within kicking range. As both were right in front of the sticks, Joe Carolan finally got his points tally underway and took his side into the half time break comfortably up. 7-16

Hampstead rallied at the start of the second half, using the downhill slope to their advantage to earn a deserved try through their forward pack. The Hampstead kicker, having swapped tips with Joe C at half time, missed the conversion. 12-16

This proved to be the second half kick-up-the arse Hammersmith needed. A foray up the slope into the opposition half got Hammers within striking distance and their pack, bit between their teeth, did the rest. Big carrying and slick offloading out the tackle from the forwards – Jacob P to Josh McClean, Josh to Lachy – saw the men in red go over at serious pace. Alex Hart was quick to point out after the game that he could easily have pulled off a similar pass, were he not miles away from the action. With only mouldies on, Joe Carolan slipped in his run up and kicked the extra two points. 12-23

The next 10 minutes proved to be a real turning point in the game, where Hammersmith would distance themselves from their opponents and prove to all watching what serious promotion contenders they really are…

Keen to not let the Hammers pull away further, Hampstead rallied hard and mounted a sustained attack in search of a try. Their efforts, however, were to no avail as the Hammers saw off wave after wave of attack, not letting their determined opponents into their 22. Whilst Steve John and Angus Lean stood out in particularly during this passage of play, it was surprisingly veteran prop Andrew Rogan who would get the turn-over that formally ended the Hampstead effort. Asked about this uncharacteristic jackal after the game, Rogan confessed that he had actually stopped for a breather and bent over to tie his shoelaces when play caught up with him and the ball fell into his hands.

It was during this Hampstead period of attack that soon-to-be super sub Cillian Waldron, replacing the soft shouldered inside centre Will Smith (DM me about gym, mate), sustained a knock to the head that would awaken the beast…

After forcing their way into the Hampstead 22 courtesy of some impressive carrying, the Hammersmith pack let the pretty boys do the rest. Scrum half Ross Anderson planted a sweet seed, like a carrot farmer in Spring, into the hands of Waldron who threw a dummy pass to Sam Purvis before crashing over himself for the bonus point try. Carolan added nothing extra, of course. Hampstead picked up a yellow card for repeated defensive infringements in the build-up. 12-28.

A relatively quiet 5 minute period ensued, with nothing coming of a few Hampstead efforts. The only real highlight for the spectators came courtesy of Sam Purvis. Defending one-on-one against the Hampstead winger, he confidently pointed to the space on his inside, inviting him to take the space; the Hampstead winger accepted the invitation, turning Purv inside out in the process. This washing machine motion was probably the main reason Purv’s match shirt was so clean at the end of the game. Fortunately, a Hampstead knock-on spared any further blushes.

Hammersmith then went back on the offensive, backs and forwards combining well under the stewardship of Joe C. The pressure ultimately proved too much for Hampstead, as they went down to 13 men after a second yellow card for a shoulder charge to the head of fullback Taylor Williams. Alex Hart was quick to point out after the game that he could quite easily have been high tackled also.

Playing against only thirteen men and with their opposition tiring, the Hammers turned up the heat, adding a penalty (12-31) and going in search of a fifth try deep in the opposition half. Josh McClean, improvising at scrum half, fed James Lo who basketball passed it to Joe C, who put Cillian Waldron through for his second try of the game. At the time of writing, Cillian had just finished putting the ball down. 12-36

The dying moments of the game saw ever-lively scrum half Ross Anderson try to extend the lead further, running through an enormous gap towards the try line. Unfortunately, his ego was writing cheques his wheels couldn’t cash and he was quickly closed down by their tighthead prop to bring the game to a close. The contest finished 12-36.

All in all, an impressive showing from Hammersmith & Fulham who now have 8 wins from 9 games, keeping the pressure on London Welsh at the top of the table.

All eyes on their next game against Chiswick at Hurlingham Park…

MOM: Josh McClean
Tin Man: Also Josh
Ben Hatton: Still single

After a disappointing end to 2019 with a narrow defeat to league leaders London Welsh ending an impressive winning streak, the Hammers 1st XV were looking to get back to winning ways to begin the new decade.

The weather gods were kind and the conditions were perfect for the home game playing host to Hackney RFC who had embarrassed the Hammers team in the first game of the season played in the Far East. Retribution was the buzz word of the day and the Hammers boys were certainly ready for dealing it out. With a team comprised of one third Aussies the game was blessed from the start.

The game started with both sides fighting hard between the 22’s but not being able to open the opposition up. Despite the efforts of both forward packs, the backline seemed to still be wiping the mince pie crumbs from their mouths and the scores remained 0-0 for the first 15 minutes.

The first points were looming however and a good attacking set of play saw Hammers on Hackney’s 5m line and after a couple of good pick and go’s Alex Harts outstretched hand landed the ball on the chalk, but apparently this wasn’t enough for the referee who signalled held up. Buoyed by this the Hammers scrum reigned supreme pushing Hackney back 5m and Angus Lean opened the account with a good try off the base of the scrum. Conversion unsuccessful and the score went to 5-0.

This seemed to be the catalyst to end the Christmas Curse and Hammers structures kicked into gear and it was too much for a less drilled Hackney side. Shortly after a well worked forward movement from Hammers gave the backs space out wide and Alex Gee ended his scoring drought and denied the end of season nudie run with a great finish in the left corner. Conversion unsuccessful and the score went to 10-0.

Hammers found their groove and had all the ball for the rest of the half which ended with another fluid movement in the backline putting Taylor Swift over the line to be converted ending the half at 17-0.

The second half began with a spirited fight from Hackney, but the first half had taken its toll and hammers quickly took the upper hand as they surged toward Hackney’s line. A show and a go and a pirouette saw Joe Carolyn through a gap planting the ball firmly under the posts. He added the extras the the bonus point try and the score was 24-0.

Again Hammers commanded all the ball and territory and in the blink of an eye James Lo slid through the defence in mid field and its said by onlookers, whom refuse to believe he passed the ball, that Lo dropped the ball backwards into the supporting arms of Angus Lean who kicked on the after burners and scored squarely under the black dot. An easy conversion saw Hammers commanding a 31-0 lead.
The final 20 minutes will go down in history as Jack Davies entered the field from the subs bench and a hoodoo drifted over the field.  Not more than 5 minutes later Hackney RFC strung some good phases together well and their backline looked ominous out wide. Through the hands it

went until a rogue hand came out of nowhere and a shrill cry of “denied” was heard coming from the mouth of Sam Purvis. Yellow Card number one.

Once again Hackney mounted an attack but Hammers were too good, seeing off 3 driving mauls on their own 5m line. Jack Davies however having not seen any action was hungry to get involved, threw himself life and limb into his first tackle, his fault though being that he was so effective that he was trapped in the ruck stopping a positive forward movement from the opposition. Yellow Card number two.
Jack walked off leaving 13 men to face the Hackney 15 and it didn’t seem it could get any worse. However, the very next phase from the restart Hackney attack outside, inching 1m from Hammers line before Cale Holmes seemed to steal the ball and for a split second the pressure was lifted. This dream was pierced by the shrill of the refs whistle and despite standing bolt upright, Holmes was deemed off his feet. Yellow Card number three.

The Hoodoo had reached it’s maximum point and Hammers were left with 12 men defending 15. Despite the predicament facing his men, coach Mark Jackson remained serenely calm in a situation would have sent any other mortal off the edge and he called his men to dig deep. Despite a gallant effort in defence, Hackney were too good and after executing some simple catch pass were able to put on 2 tries in the following 10 minutes. The final whistle blew and a relieved Hammers team exited the field 31-14 victors solidifying their place at number 2 on the ladder.

Thank you to Hackney RFC for what is always a tough game and it’s onward & upward for the Hammers who take on Hampstead in a top 4 clash next weekend.

Yet another trek to North East London saw us take on Old Street for the second time this season. We travelled with a large squad in confident mood having despatched these lads in the home fixture earlier in the season.

Warm up and team run through went well and despite windy conditions the boys were confident of executing the game plan.

We started with a very strong team, from the kick off we carried well with Dixey and Gareth showing willing with ball in hand early doors. Old Street immediately fronted up in defense and looked to counter us at the rucks with their bigger forwards. We expected a hard and physical game from this first play and despite gaining yards, we ended up knocking on just outside their 22. This led to the first scrum which put down a marker, our front row dominated in the tight, forcing the oppo back from the initial hit, they didn’t want to know from then on.

A couple more phases played out before the first score of the game, some fine work from the half backs Dave and Zac before big James Mitchell twisting with power to crash over the try line. A couple more scores followed in quick succession, Mitchell senior with another following a good steal from Reg off a line out,  in addition to a fine run and finish from the evergreen Paul Davies. The backs began to take control, Zac having more and more influence from 10, stepping inside and out to create try’s and notch one brilliant score himself.

Old street did push back and managed to score once before half time but they had no answer to our set piece, ball carrying, and backs dominance. A couple of scores before half time from top scorer Charles Draper took the wind out of their sails and effectively tied things up before the break.

Second half was about closing out the game in a professional manner, and trying to get all 8 subs on with decent game time. Micky Booth stepped inside off the wing to deliver a perfect ball for Mitchell to finalise the hat trick, before then scoring a flair try with pace himself running over half the pitch.

Subs came thick and fast but our dominance continued, despite a much changed scrum and back line. Ollie Stern continued Dan Serfs dominance at the line out, allowing Dave to supply precise passes throughout. Ali Johnston stepped in at tight head to drive the scrum even further back on his front row debut.

A couple more scores followed, one penalty try after good work from the forward pack after a penalty, then Nick Turner taking a kick off and running half the pitch,  through an Old Street winger, oxygen was needed immediately after for the lad.

Old Street did sneak one more back at the end, combination of some tired legs and lack of concentration, we did have the last laugh however as some good work from Mark Paris released Bertram on the right wing who showed a good turn of pace and eye for the sticks. Game over and a cracking first game back in 2020, onwards to Hackney next week to keep the momentum going.

The Hammers went into this game full of confidence, following an unbeaten spree dating back to September. Their opposition, equally assured sitting at the top of the table, albeit by a margin that had become less convincing in recent weeks. Six points yet one position, was all that separated these teams in what was sure to transpire into one of the games of the season. The build-up was equally intense, arising from multiple exchanges on an assortment of Social Media channels. There was only one victor here though with TJ Perenara, Samu Kerevi, Jacob Stockdale and Jonny May’s mother reaching out to show their support for the Hammers on this blustery winter’s day; something Alex Hart’s bean pole figure must have clearly been struggling to cope with, following his 45 minute late arrival to Old Deer Park.

It was the Hammers who got off to the better start, dominating the opening 20 minutes, despite the early loss of Peter Benson – who lasted 5 minutes longer than usual. In spite of this ascendancy Phil Lord’s juggling career was struggling to ignite, much like Ben “Scholesy” Hatton’s love life… dropping the ball close to the line. Not even the magic of Will “Genie” Smith could produce the points, following what the ref deemed a hold up over the whitewash, the score remaining 0 vs 0. It wasn’t until the Hammers number 9 stepped up to slot the first 3 points of the game that the deadlock was finally broken. Unfortunately, the lead didn’t last for long. With the Exiles first, second and only entries into the men in blue’s 22, leading to the only two tries of the opening 40 minutes. The score 12 vs 3.

With some strong words shared at half time the Hammers came flying out the blocks. An accurate dart from Phil Lord, followed by a pin point cross field via Ben “Scholesy” Hatton had the Exiles 14 running around with what can only be described as showing the awareness of a Dodo. This gave chance to the in form Alex Gee, who despite his American-Ready endomorphic body type managed to leap high above his opposite man and over the line. One Shearer style celebration later and the score was 12 vs 8, the Hammers back in the game!

With momentum starting to build in favour of the Hammers, a quick glimpse up at Liv ogling at individuals who you would preferably take home to your parents, was enough to lead Mitch Mitchell Mitchellson IV into a lapse of concentration, as he proceeded to collide with the plague-ridden Sam “Purv” Purvis to bring the ball deep into the Hammers half. This was the beginning of a 20 minute slump for the men in blue, with the Exiles looking to apply pressure. A few strong carries followed by a quick scurry from the 9 led to the 3^rd Welsh try of the match… the score now 19 vs 8. Unfortunately, this was followed in quick succession by another, thanks to the Exiles winger, whose dummy left Xander Stephen and Alex “The Bean-Pole” Hart parting faster than the Red Sea.

Over the next quarter the Hammers began to re-establish themselves through strong carries from both members of the Doctor partnership Steve John and Angus Lean, fresh from the set of Embarrassing Bodies. A penalty leading to a line out deep into the Welsh 22 was the opportunity that the men in blue were looking for. A robust catch and drive despite a Phil Lord trip – presumably because his sister forgot to tie his laces, set up the perfect platform for the backs; 3 passes later including one from the subdued James Lo, and Gee was over again in the corner; the score, 26 vs 13. This pressure continued throughout the final ten minutes, with the boys pressing for their third of the match. Perhaps it would have happened if Cillian “Luigi” Waldron’s hands weren’t made of butterscotch – dropping two budding interceptions in the latter stages. A few rucks, a side entry and one Jacob Poulton appeal later and the whistle was blown, final score Welsh 26, Hammers 13.

While the Hammers fell short on this occasion, they can go into their winter break in good spirits knowing that they have the ability to right some wrongs; whilst, appreciating that the strain on their backs will have additional time to recover through the absence of Cillian “Luigi” Waldron and Mitch Mitchell Mitchellson IV throughout the start of the New Year. Merry Christmas!

* For the purpose of this report the roles of James Lo and Alex Gee were reversed for the readers pleasure