Anticipation had been building through the week as the Hammers 2’s side began preparation for a double header (for the uneducated/unaware, this was a league and cup match in one) against Bishop’s Stortford III team (BS). The previous result of Hammers travelling the 31.85 miles (as the crow flies) to the BS ground saw blood and tears for Hammers where we lost heavily 36-7, this only fuelled the preparation and desire for revenge.  

The Hammers were “fully prepped”/had mostly arrived by 12:30 ish as the jovial Australia Day cobwebs had been blown away (mostly) by those irresponsible enough to consume alcohol the night before game day. Any way I deviate from the purpose of this report, the match… 

With BS arriving late due to the long trip, kick off was pushed back by 10 mins – a prime example of the gentry required to be a Hammer. At 14:10, with devilish wind and rain hammering (no pun intended) down on the yellow shirt of the French referee, he blew his whistle and we were off. 

Hammers kicked off through the disintegrating boot of Eldridge, almost instantly winning the ball back through a BS knock on. The Hammers scrum was dominant from the off with the front row of Williams, Johnson and Conway rumbling their way towards the try line with arrogance that can only be described as front row swagger. We came close with Eddell running good lines in the centre, but this trip to the BS 22 was not to be fruitful.  

BS began to battle their way out of their 22 until a loose loopy pass was intercepted by the bearded hooker Johnson. Showing his blistering pace, he trotted in from 25 metres out, a simple conversion in front of the sticks from Taylor W meant Hammers were leading 7-0. 

A period of dominance from BS was to follow, they held on to the ball with effective use of a series of human cannon balls and battering rams with top tackles coming in from Fox, Rylance and familiar faces Roche and Pettitt. The BS barrage was too much to contain and saw Hammers slide to 7-14 down. Déjà vu of our previous trip to BS was at the forefront of all our minds, we had to move on. 

Despite Thompson jumping 20 seconds early to try and catch the kick off, Hammer’s found a new foot hold in the game with Lucas making good metres, supported by the forwards continued domination at the set piece resulting in Conway scoring a sneaky try at the back of a maul. Taylor W slotted conversion number two and we were at 14-14. 

HALF TIME – Score was tied 14-14 

The second half began and the first five minutes showed both sides cancelling each other out with the only notable event being Taylor W getting smashed in the midfield with a tackle that can probably still be heard echoing around the sanctuary that is Hurlingham Park. Baxter showed he’s not just a pretty face as he continued to put his body on the line for the club making some great tackles. Still fuelled on adrenaline from the rib tickler Taylor W joined the forwards and managed to sneak himself a try from a pick and go! He added another 2 points taking his running total for the game to 11 as Hammers now led 21-14.  

A passage of good play from Hammers saw Sheppard loop around and score in the right-hand corner. An almost impossible kick for Taylor W slid just outside the post making the score 26-14 Hammers. Sheppard’s glory was short lived as he was subbed off for the “experienced” Leith.  

Hammers were sensible and opted to take the points as the referee awarded a penalty in front of the posts – need I say more Taylor W stepped up… and missed. Bane despite showing great pace (with his new boots on) didn’t quite manage to score but certainly gets a gold star for effort.  

Victory was looking more likely as the Betfair exchange odds for a Hammers win moved to 1.27 (please gamble responsibly). These odds were only slashed further to 1.12 as Leith despite the paternal sleep deprivation stole the ball from a BS scrum and scored in the right corner. Cue Taylor W (again), with expectations wavering from a couple of misses those little stick legs built up some momentum and slotted it, Hammers lead extended 33-14. 

With victory surely imminent, a momentary threat to the Hammers try line and an eye watering (he cried) boot to the eye for Rylance (he probably deserved it as well) BS stole themselves an unconverted consolation try. Hammers lead 33-19. 

By this point the wind and rain were boring/freezing all involved and many looked as though they were waiting for the final whistle, but not Ralston who decided to rub more salt in the BS wounds by scoring a great try. Taylor W did his job and perhaps unsurprisingly with the pressure off slotted his kick. Hammers lead 40-19. 

The final whistle blew, followed by cheers all round from the men in red, as this vengeful victory moves us to the top of the league and through the next round of the cup.  

FULL TIME – Hammers win 40-19      

(Please read in Yorkshire accent)  

Hi guys, weekends (been) here again, hope you’ve had a good week and earnt a few quid. Whaattt. 

This week our second team had a few fixtures cancelled, but last minute on Friday Esher offered us the chance of an away day fixture….. Simply Loveleh.  

Following intense exchanges about opposition, travel arrangements and whether Watson would wear his No.1s or not we were on our way to Esher…… be seeing you.  

The warm up started with a bit of a laugh, a joke and some absolute banging tunes, but after some stern words from senior players the warm up went well and we were ready to go…… Big Up.  

The game started well with phase play working very well for the hammers, recycling lead to some swift passes for Taylor to go under the posts……. Simply lovely. 

We then decided to try and run everything from our 22 for the next 10 minutes with no luck, but also no score….. Moving on.  

After some solidity at the scrum and some nice phase play rugby, Magnus barber made a nice break on the outside with a great pass inside to Skipper Cramp, who then reversed the Pass to the screaming JLO on the burst for a simply simply lovely score.  

The scoring for the half wasn’t finished with Billy Rylance finally running a line he should be proud of with a great finish…. Plenty in the tank sir.  

Half time- Hammers 19-0 Esher Abbots  

Esher started the second half extremely well scoring two well worked tries from a driving maul and some good hands….. bloody good shot sir.  

After the second try and the realisation the game could go to Esher if the Hammers didn’t work their issues out, the huge hits and incentive of a free pint got to Watson (even though he’s very wealthy), Rylance and Rob Fox….. Plenty in the tank.  

Esher managed another penalty score (never a fan of kicking for goal in a friendly)… whatttttt 

Hammers then decided to do the same to take the score out of reach of Esher……plenty in the tank sir.  

With the final whistle going, the hammers had won and were relieved after a strong showing from a young Esher team.  

Final score – Hammers 22 – 15 Esher Abbots.   

Listen guys, its tough out there, stay safe. Be seeing you.  

After a hard fought draw away at Ealing Hammers were looking forward to the familiarity of being back at Hurlingham Park. However fate and a lack of hot water intervened resulting in the home fixture against Pinner being played at the neutral ground of Chiswick Rugby Club. Hammers on the losing side after a very tight game the last time these two meet.

Following a solid warm up, Hammers took themselves by surprise, having the vast majority of the initial territory and possession. This new found intensity from the kick off just resulted in confusion leading to a number of poor decisions in the final quarter. Eventually allowing the big ball carriers of Pinner an easy run into Hammers half and a simple 3 points.

A less good start from the resulting kick off and a couple of missed tackles left Hammersmith and Fulham back in their own 22. Despite and number of ‘body on the line’ tackles keeping Pinner’s large pack a few feet short for a number of minutes the second row eventually managed to barrel over leaving Hammers 0-10 down.

Being back in this familiar territory helped calm the nerves, the scrum and line out, initially under pressure, shored up. Resulting in good clean ball for both the backs and forwards to start playing their structures, despite the loss of the hard running Joey Graham at outside centre.

10 minutes later though , after a number of silly penalties Hammers were back on their own try line.

It was time stand up and be counted…..

Big carry after big carry charged at the Hammersmith line and each time they were repelled. Across the pitch Hammers players fronted up and most importantly went LOW! Pinner came so close that the eventual knock on was over the try line.

A quick scrum, pick from Tilbrook and box kick from Will Finn saw hammers jogging back up the pitch with their heads held high. It was game on. After some sustained pressure and a solid kick of Chris Jager Hammers went in at half-time 3 – 10.

Halftime: 3-10

Who knows if it was De wolfs team talk, the appearance of Captain Will Parker or Emmetts shouts of encouragement from the side-line? Hammersmith and Fulham stormed into the second half, the structures worked, a few big carries and a solid scrum saw them 20 feet short of the Pinner try line. Great forward pressure form a number of pick and go’s leading to the inevitable try for Zander Stephan on debut. The resulting conversion drawing the scores level at 10 apiece.

Hammers had the momentum, a few classy breaks in the back line and the ball was back with the forwards and most importantly back in Pinner’s 22. Again they had no answer to the pick and Jager got in on the action to dot down next the posts. A simple conversion and it was 17-10.

This time it was Pinner who needed a strong come back and they did. A couple of minutes in the 22, their big ball carriers sucked in the Hammersmith defence leaving a hole big enough for the centre to stroll through and score in the corner. The tricky conversion was missed meaning Hammersmith and Fulham had a 2 point lead heading into the final quarter of the match.

It was Pinner however who had the possession and territory; it was once again time for the Hammers defence to show what it was made of. Forwards coming off the base of the ruck, tap penalties and strong mid-field runners were time and again stopped in their tracks by players in red shirts.

As the onslaught continued the ref had enough, with the number of penalties leading to a yellow card for Karl Watson on debut. (A week before he’d been playing on the same ground for Chiswick but one night out the Hammers was all it took to convince him to come and play for the friendliest club in London!)

Trying to capitalise on the extra man advantage Pinner opted for the scrum rather than the easy 3 points. But with The American coming off his wing to help out on the flank the Hammersmith scrum held firm.

More ‘body on the line’ tackling in their own 22 resulted in a Hammers player down with a nasty cut to the head, everyone soon relaxed though on the discovery it was only Kane Hands. As a defence continue to hold strong tempers flared, punches were thrown. The resulting yellow card for Pinners tight head prop resulted in 14 men apiece for the remaining 5 minutes.

4 minutes of possession in midfield and victory was almost within Hammers grasp. One last attack from Pinner ended as the cool head of Will Deprez took a good catch under pressure, and cleared into touch. Ending a fantastic game rugby, where both teams walked off knowing they’d given everting. Although it was Hammers walking off with the all important W!

Final Score: 17-15

Man of the match – Mike Spurgeon, continuous and solid defence, putting his body on the line.

Tin Man – Tilbrook, manging to be punched by a prop and failing to land a return.

P.S Huge thanks to Chiswick Rugby Club for use of their facilities and ground.