Men’s Match Report – Page 4 – Hammersmith & Fulham RFC

Hammers 2s open their season in a thriller!

19th September 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

Saturday. A Rugby day. Ushered in by perhaps the last of the summer sun, the Bastard 2’s rocked up to Hurlingham Park before and after the allotted meet time, Fulham v Luton is a recipe for disaster on New Kings Road…

It had been a long road to this moment, the 2nd XV boys having started their preseason off two months prior. The season before had ended in both a bang and a whimper, the oppo crying off for our last game of the season and allowing us to get on the beers and watch the 1’s win theirs at Windsor. After 8 weeks of Ian making us run, crawl, turn and stretch our hip flexors to within an inch of their lives, the boys were up for an actual game of rugby on an actual rugby pitch.

26 degrees, dry pitch, not a cloud in the sky. Your author was preparing himself for a game of rugby how it was intended to be played. Fast flowing, running rugby, but boy was I wrong. One up rugby, pick and go’s from the 22, and countless handling errors. You could have been forgiven for thinking it was the middle of February at a boggy wet Hurlingham.

The 2’s started brightly with plenty of intent, but forcing the issue when speculative offloads were not on and sloppy handling errors hamstrung us over the first half. A silly penalty and some soft defence allowed Maidenhead over the line first to open the scoring. Conversion missed. Shortly after Max kicked a penalty to keep us in touching distance. The rest of the half went by in the following fashion:

Make Break

Make Mistake

Turnover

For about 20 minutes until on the stroke of halftime Josh AA our Winger-turned-Flanker-turned-Winger-again-but-sometimes-Flanker, forced a superb penalty on the opposition 5 which Ross took quickly and popped out to Fergal who had a simple finish in the corner. Conversion missed. HT 8-5 Hammers.

The 2nd half picked up on the action but the theme of the game remained the same. Hammers showed promise in their build-up play but coughed it up when things were looking good. Maidenhead scored back to back tries through more crashing and pick and going. 8-15. Hammers hit back through debutant Oscar after some quick hands from Max and Ollie allowed Oscar to run in untouched. Conversion missed. 13-15. FINALLY, with 15 mins to go the backs managed to execute a set play, with Ollie feeding captain Mad Dog with a brilliant delayed pass allowing him to streak through, beat a defender and score. Max woke up again and decided to make his conversion. 20-15.

Maidenhead responded again with a try of their own through yet another scintillatingly boring passage of rugby. 1 up crash, pick and go CTRL + C, CTRL + V. Their 3rd kicker of the day managing to finally slot one. 20-22.

With about 5 mins on the clock Max kicked a penalty to put us back in front, with an uncomfortably slender advantage going into the last knockings of the game, 23-22. Hammers gave away an ugly penalty, and their kicker definitely kicked it dead over the try line, only for the ref to call it back to be kicked again because Maidenhead decided they wouldn’t have anyone running the line from their side and it was ‘The fairest way to do it’. Maidenhead’s maul had been causing us problems all day but Hammers managed to stop the drive and keep the Maidenhead pick and go’s at bay long enough to win a penalty for holding on as the clock went red.

All in all a lot to work on, but a lot to be proud of. Defence under the pump when it mattered most was superb.

MOTM – Toby, great performance on the flank, strong in the tackle and great work rate. Debut as well? Show off..

DOTD – Anton, if you know the GIF from The Simpsons of Homers dad coming into Moe’s and leaving straight away, this was kind of like that. Came on, straight into a scrum, hurt his arm in said scrum and came off. All in the name of a free pint.

Also a bit shoutout to recently retired former Nat 1 Sensation Ben Hatton, for giving up his free time from inspiring the future generations at his Primary School, to coach the Bastard 2’s whilst Nugget was off playing Semi Pro ruggers.

One of the more forgettable games of rugby, yet somehow still more exciting than watching England kick aimlessly for 60 minutes on Sunday.

Every unbeaten campaign starts with a win….onto the next.

Hammers humbled at Kings House

19th September 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

A weekend to forget for Hammers, despite the late summer sun. An away trip to local rivals CS Stags looked an enticing prospect, following on from last week’s success against London Welsh and the boys were looking to build on that momentum.

The Hammers were quickly reminded of the challenges that they face at Level 5 as Stags put together a dominant performance from start to finish. An encouraging opening 10 minutes, highlighting Hammers ability to stretch the opposition was dampened by unforced errors and aggressive defense from Stags. Their relentless ability go get over the game line combined with speed of ball kept Hammers on the back foot, resulting in a flurry of first-half tries, crossed over from out wide.

The one way service was briefly halted via an interception from Tim Russell, scoring his 4th try in 2 games. It heralded a small sign of life, and was shortly followed by an entrenched period within the 22, however the Hammers proved their own worst enemy, with unforced errors and continuous penalties letting the Stags off the hook. The second-half offered Hammers an opportunity to build press the reset button, but Stags resumed their grip on the game, with a strong set-piece offering the perfect platform for their backs to punch holes in the Hammers backline when faced with lackluster line speed.

A final score of 57-7 was a humbling one for Hammers, but a result that would be sure to light a fire under the boys in preparation for their next home fixture against Maidenhead. 2 games down. 1 win, 1 loss, with all teams bar 1 having a loss against their name. This league looks set to be wide open, but the boys must respond.

Hammers open their season with a blinder!

19th September 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

And so the day had arrived! Derby Day! Hammersmith & Fulham Vs London Welsh!

London Welsh kicked off and straight away Hammers were under pressure, the first 5 minutes were camped in the home sides 22 and only some strong defense kept the visitors at bay. This strong defense proved fruitful for Hammersmith as a loose pass from the Welsh’s fly half was hacked through by Harry Boyd and the 2nd fastest winger on the pitch collected his own kick and ran under the sticks. Converted by Joe Carolan.

After another clean take from kick off, Joe Carolan cleared the ball deep into Welsh’s half with the fullback knocking the ball forward. It was the first bit of pressure Hammer’s could put on; however, the scrum was turned over and the pressure was straight back on the home side. Constant penalties were not helping hammers and after 10 minutes of further pressure scoring. Conversion missed. The penalties continued after kick off and it wasn’t long before Welsh were back camped on Hammer’s line, which proved costly as after some slick offloading rugby saw them gain their 2nd score. Converted by Welsh to make it 7-12. In the period of penalties, Hammersmith’s number 12 Jack Watters was shown yellow.

As Hammersmith kicked off it was time for them to apply some pressure to the away side. After some swift hands from the hammer’s backline, Tim Russell was away up the wing only to be stopped by a high tackle from the Welsh fullback, who was shown a yellow card. Carolan put the ball deep into the Welsh 22 and for the first time in the match Hammersmith were in a solid attacking position. After a clean win in the lineout from Zander Stephens, the maul started rumbling forwards with Andrew Rogan breaking off and diving for the line, however, he was held up and Welsh could clear their lines.

After an extensive period of back and forth, half time was quickly approaching, but after some good passing down the line from the Hammer’s on Welsh’s 22-meter line, the ball ended up in the hands of Tim Russell once more. This proved to be bad news for Welsh as Russell put through an inch perfect grubber which he collected and dived over the line for Hammer’s 2nd try. Carolan converted and the score stood at 14-12. Hammer’s weren’t finished there, the ball was kicked off and taken well by Spicer who carried into the defense and the ruck was set up. The ball was then given to Will Donegan who tipped the ball to Scott Van Berckel, who like a hot knife through butter, broke through the line and he was away, with the Welsh defense catching Scott he tipped the ball to Tim Russell who once again sprinted under the sticks to score Hammer’s 3 try. Carolan Converted, 21-12.

With only 1 minute left on the clock of the first half, Hammer’s conceded a penalty straight from kick off, which led to Welsh deciding to have a shot at the posts which was successful. First half score 21-15.

Carolan kicked off for the 2nd half with Welsh taking cleanly and clearing their lines, Scarr received the ball deep in Hammer’s half and quickly threw it wide to Marshall Macleod who made good ground before being taken down, the ball was quickly spun wide and some scintillating hands from the back line sent Carolan away up the left wing, with the Welsh defense scrambling all he had to do was tip the ball inside to Harry Boyd who ran away under the posts for his 2nd and Hammer’s 4th. Converted by Carolan, 28-15.

As the 2nd half progressed, Hammer’s piled on the pressure with most of the play taking place in Welsh’s half, only ill discipline kept Welsh in it. Hammers brought on some fresh legs with 30 minutes to go, Scarr replaced by Ed Haines, Zak Underwood back on in the front row and Paddy off for Ben Dugdale.

The game started to open up as boys got tired, with both Welsh and Hammersmith breaking the defense on numerous occasions. However, no team could find the pivotal score. With the minutes ticking by and Welsh becoming more and more frustrated, it was Hammers who were next to strike. London Welsh had made good progress into the home sides 22 and looked like they were going to close the deficit, however, Harry Boyd had other ideas, he intercepted a welsh pass on the 5 meter line and stormed up the wing, he didn’t quite have the legs but with an exceptional pass inside he found Tim who finished it off for his hattrick. Converted by Carolan, 35-15.

With the game looking all but over, Hammersmith were not letting off, winning a scrum penalty in front of the sticks for Carolan to slot an easy 3 points. Score 38-15. London Welsh had the last laugh with a final try but it was to no avail. Hammersmith & Fulham win 38-20.

What a game and what a start to the season. Roll on!

Hammers Women sit top-of-the-table!

5th April 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

The final fun bus of the season was upon us. And the last fun bus needed to be an epic journey, so the Hammers 1XV made their way down to Canterbury to face an unfamiliar team. Due to flooded pitches earlier in the season, this was the first time the two teams were facing off against each other. Although Canterbury are low in the rankings this is a very competitive league so we knew we would need a strong performance to get the bonus point win we wanted.

The wind was blowing hard from one end of the pitch to the other and Canterbury had the benefit of the wind in the first half, using it to their advantage with the boot of their 10. Hammers made the first big break through Sirri but Canterbury set the tone early with their ruck work getting the turnover. This pressure on the ruck was maintained by Caterbury for most of the first half. Despite this pressure, strong runs from the forwards started to pull their defence in and a lovely line from Lara put her under the posts for the first score of the game to make it 0-7. Despite good carries from Hammers at the restart, a Canterbury jackal earned them a kickable penalty to make it 3-7. Canterbury kept up the pressure and some Hammers ill-discipline saw a penalty on our 5-metre line. The Hammers defence held firm though and pushed Canterbury all the way back to the 22. Another penalty to Canterbury led to another kick to make it 6-7. Our heads didn’t drop and we went right back at them. Strong forwards carries in their 22 got us to within inches of the line before Kaye drove over the line. 6-12. Despite some more nice running from Hammers we gave away another penalty for holding on which Canterbury again kicked to make it 9-12 at half time.

In the second half Hammers had the wind but were playing uphill. We started to put significant pressure on their set piece, disrupting their lineout and marching the scrum backwards. Quick tap penalties put the Canterbury defence under pressure and their discipline started to slip. After two high tackles in quick succession, a third infringement saw them go down a player for 10 minutes. Kaye sensed this as her opportunity to become top try scorer and took another hard carry to crash over the line 9-19. Hammers kept hunting for that bonus point score with Steffy making a great break down the wing to get within 5 metres of the line. We kept the pressure up in their half until Tappers completed the bonus point score with a classic pick and go drop over the line 9-24. Canterbury weren’t disheartened and continued fighting, using their kicking game to their advantage. A kick in behind our defensive line with good pressure from their support runners led to a loose ball on our try line which Canterbury immediately scooped up and scored. 16-24. Hammers defence held firm after this to see out the end of the game. There was a little confusion in the final seconds but Alex booted the ball to touch to confirm the Hammers bonus point win. Final score 16-24.

Forward of the match: Kate Phillips

Back of the match: Aly Heine

Coaches player: Kaye Selby

Hammers 1st XV women put in dominant performance against Guildford!

26th March 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

After weeks of seeing the 2XV head off of fun buses around the country, it was finally the turn of the 1XV to turn up early to the Eight Bells for their own coach trip. This time we were heading to Guildford to face one of the new teams in the league this year. It had been a scrappy battle when we faced them at home, with Hammers coming out victorious. It was now our chance to complete the set with an away win.

It was quite a windy – although fairly sunny – day when Hammers reached Guildford. The game started off with high intensity, the first few carries and tackles showing that this was going to be a very physical game from both teams. Hammers got the early momentum with hard forwards carries and solid set piece work carrying us into the Guildford 22. Amy saw her opportunity when Guildford gave away a penalty on the 5 metre line for a quick tap and go to score a classic 9 try. 0-5. Hammers continued to bring the pressure, working their way back into the opposition 22 from the restart. Again, hard carries from the forwards pulled the Guildford defense in narrow and the backs were able to exploit the space with Lara stepping across from short range to score under the posts. 0-12. It was Kaye’s turn to make it on to the scoreboard next, showing why she’s been put in the back line, smashing through the defense with a lovely inside ball from Alex W. 0-19. The home side were not discouraged, however, and came back fighting. Hammers put on a superb defensive effort in our 22. Through 9/10 phases of Guildford attack the defense stayed strong and eventually forced the error. Hammers regouped, worked up the pitch and back into the Guildford 22. A strong driving maul from the lineout made good metres before quick hands from the backs allowed Chloe E to dive through on the wing. 0-26. Guildford kept fighting and their hard carries combined with a couple of penalties took them into the Hammers 22. A penalty at the maul gave the opportunity for a quick tap and go score. 5-26. Half Time.

The second half began as a bit of an arm wrestle, with both teams working to get the upper hand after the break. Despite a long session camped in the Guildford 22, Hammers came away without a score and were soon under pressure in our own 22. Hammers defense stayed strong and Lara read the defense perfectly to grab an intercept and sprint under the posts from within our own 22, despite the best efforts at a tap tackle from the Guildford defense. 5-33. Guildford came straight back, however, exploiting mistakes and some ill-discipline to score 2 quick tries to try and change the momentum of the game. 17-33. It wasn’t to be for Guildford, however, as Hammers fought back from pressure within their own 22. Turnover ball from a Guildford attack allowed forwards to make some hard carries and once again create space out wide. Quick ball set Rachel free for a 50 metre sprint up the touch line to fix the full back before making a lovely offload to Kaye for the final score of the game 17-40.

Forward of the Match – Livvy

Back of the Match – Amy

Coach’s Player – Kaye

Hammers play an absolute belter to see out their premiership-winning season!

22nd March 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

21 games down. 17 wins. 92 points. 1 game left. 1 win more. 5 points the target, and then the 2022/23 season – only the club’s second at Level 6, the league-formerly-known-as-London 1- would be done. And if the stars aligned, if they played like they knew they could, (and even if they didn’t, as long as their defence held Belsize Park to less than 60 tries), they would be champions, and on their way to Level 5.

Time is a funny thing. How it can seem to both drag its feet yet fly-by at the same time. As the boys took the field that clear Thursday night under lights at Chiswick, they felt that dichotomy. Because in that moment, they were standing at the end of a journey that had started the previous July – an age in one sense, but the blink of an eye in another…

Had it really been 8 months ago that they had been sweating and swearing their way to The Swings and back? Were those memories of rucking and retching around the Red Tree just a dream? Head Coach Mark Jackson’s road to victory built on a bedrock of Ian Burbidge’s fitness had helped bring them to this moment, but it had been a brutal pre-season. Time had certainly slowed down during those dark times, especially for the front rows of Rogan, Ed Wynne, Scotty B, Jacob Poulton (when not quail hunting) and Ricky D (when not on dates). Welcome later arrivals Zac Underwood and Will Donegan had missed out on that summer agony and beefed up the front row stocks, but all had scrummed, lifted and tackled their way through the intervening months to this final kick-off. Zac, Scotty B and Rogan backed up by Ed were in the forward trenches today, but what awaited them?

A Belsize Park side that didn’t give a damn for sentiment, or quaint notions of “champions”. They were here to play, and they went at it from the off.

The whistle pierces the night air. Talisman Dr Steve John takes the kick off, only to be swallowed up by the aggressive Belsize Park forwards like an emergency room doctor swallowing caffeine. Ben Dugdale executes a well-placed box-kick to get the boys out of the 22 only to find an energetic Belsize back three who immediately run back down the 15 channel. What follows is a period of direct, varied running by the sizeable Belsize Pack creating opportunities. It doesn’t take long before an overlap down the blind side opens a clear path to the Hammers try line, only for their winger to fall desperately short. Pick-and-goes follow, before Belsize finally crosses to open their account. 7-0.

The boys were in a fight. Had it really been 4 months since their 10-game winning streak had been brought to an agonising end against Amersham and Chiltern? They had lost some of their aura that day but none of their heart. And tonight, there weren’t here to win it on for-and-against – this was about showing they were champions. This wasn’t about panicking, it was about intent.

And intent they showed. An aggressive restart chase put the game in Belsize’s half. Phases followed and a few set pieces where the boys didn’t allow Belsize a way out. Playing edge to edge the Hammers fought their way into the Belsize 22. Penalty, Hammers. A kick to the corner, but the opportunity is missed thanks to a wayward throw-in to the tailgunner and Master-of-Clocks Alex Hart. A messy Belsize scrum saw their 9 knock it on the Belsize 5 meter – Hammers feed. The Hammers scrum? Rock steady, all 8 pushing as-one, and giving Dugdale a training-ground like platform. His pass found the willing hands of Tim “Le Snack” Russell, who breezed through a gap between the Belsize defenders. That’s more like it boys – 7-7.

Now, it is well known that as well as the Temperance Pub and The Fez’s foggy dance floor, a Hammers natural home is the sacred and holy fortress of Hurlingham Park. What is less well-known though is that Hammers have a holiday home made of 4G, and when the Hammers visit there, it means one thing – pace.

Had it really been only 3 months since their turgid 7-5 victory over Fullerians on a narrow soggy pitch? Those memories were far away, with the Hammers putting the foot down, going edge-to-edge and showing why they are top of the league. From the centre line, Marshall McCloud’s silky hands in the 10 channel found the speed merchant that is Matt Killeen. Fixing the defenders with his fancy feet, Killeen’s pass found Bryce “Bruce” Morgan, who drew in his man and offloaded into the tackle to Le Snack, dancing his way up the 15 channel before being brought down inside the 22. A quick ruck and change-of-direction followed, with a double jack-hit up making its way to Scotty B in front of the posts. The 1-second ruck allowed Dugdale scoop up the ball and pass to McCloud, who then threw a 3 man cut-out pass to Bryce – now-opposite side of the pitch – who scored in the corner! The entre passage of play took less than 20 seconds! The conversion through the posts: 7-12.

Half-time. The boys felt on top, but there was no taking Belsize for granted. They had been physical, direct and playing like they had nothing to lose, with a 10 not afraid to spread it around an outside backs keen to run it. Hammers had built a reputation as a second half team – would it hold?

Belsize restart, a Belsize penalty, Belsize line-out. Tom Proctor wasn’t having it though – the Belsize throw to the middle was spoiled by our Lambrini dodging 2^nd row/back 6. Quick ball followed – Dudgale, to Marshall, Marshall leading points-scorer and captain Joe Carolan; Joe out the back, hands to Bryce – 40 meters up the 15 meter channel finished off with a chip, scooped up by red shirts score to score in the corner! And followed by an unbelievable sideline conversion by captain and RFU leading-points scorer Joe Carolan! 19-7.

The taps were open and the Rugby started flowing, but unlike and IPA this didn’t leave a bad taste in the mouth. The coaches began to bring bench in. Dark horse and lover-of-inside passes Ollie Weaver came on for Marshall, and playing behind a pack powered by the hard running Alex Spicer, Josh Smith and Harty, the boys were unplayable, even when things weren’t working. A Hammers line-out on the Belsize 40 meter line misfires, only to be scooped up by “I-don’t-play-more-than-10 minutes” Zac. Phase. Dugale to forward Harty, Harty out the back to Ollie takes the ball to the line drawing in the defenders….silky inside ball to Tim Russell who runs it from the halfway!! What a try! Joe coverts! 26-7 and the bonus point!

10 minutes of graft followed, Belsize determine to retain the ball no matte what the field position and run it – fair play. Visits to the Hammers half were few and fair between however, aided by Joe’s cannon of a leg and a determined to play the Rugby in all the right places. Eventually, a Belsize maul penalty on their 10 meter led to Tom Proctor electing to take the scrum, aided by the non-inconsiderable mass of Ed “Tiny” Wynne (on for a bruised Rogan). From the scrum Ollie found the hands of Joe Carolan who crossed for a regulation try under the posts and to take it to 33-7.

Had it really it been only 4 weeks since this team had been beaten by an up-for-it Cobham? Unshackled, the boys open up. A scrum from a Belsize handling error on the 40 meter mark say Dr Steve John pick from the base of the ruck and open up the Belsize defence like a surgeon cracking a chest. Tackled, he offloaded to Tom Proctor who barged up the centre of the pack and bounced the Belsize 10 as though a Tsunami sweeping away a sea-side village. Brought down eventually, a Belsize backrow got over the ball and won the turnover penalty, however for reasons that remain unclear, Belsize chose to scrum…inside their own 22…

Brave.

Bold.

Some would say reckless.

Tough phases followed, Belsize grinding their way up the pitch and eventually into the Hammers 22. Well played men-in-purple, well-played. Making their way to the Hammers line, the desperate Belsize attack was held up, Joe’s drop kick getting the Hammers out of trouble. Belsize had a sniff of continuity and started to spread the ball…OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS? IT’S TIM RUSSELL ON THE TRADE MARK INTERCEPT YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME, SCORE UNDER THE POSTS 40-7

Time was ticking down, There was no puffing, no hands-on-knees. Niggles were forgotten and errors forgiven. The boys just wanted to play, running it from everywhere. This is why you play Rugby. The highs beat the lows…highs like seeing Matt Killeen sprint it out from inside the Hammers 22 down the try line…beat one defender, inside step another…over the 50…brush the Belsize fullback…cross the Belsize try line….

…and lows like seeing Matt being pulled back for apparently stepping out of the line, denied the last try of the regular season, as the referee calls the game over.

Had it really been 80 minutes? Had the boys really played 22 games, won 18, and won the league? Had fewer than 40 men taken the field every Saturday, put their bodies on the line for their mates and their club, and taken Hammersmith & Fulham RFC into level 5, their highest position ever in the RFU pyramid? Had they worked together, sweated together, bled together, to achieve what so few will ever do in their Rugby careers, and win promotion?

Yes. Yes we bloody well did.

What a team. What a season. What a club.

Up the Bastard 2s!!!

22nd March 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

So after being pasted 76-0 at home by London Kiwis, Old Streetonians pulled out of the game on Thursday morning handing us the league. Yes, you heard that right, the Bastard 2s have won the league!!

The early cancellation of the game did however provide us with time to arrange a celebratory lunch for us all to regale in stories from the season and offer each other well earned congratulations. So, Captain Fantastic, James Lalor set about organising a pub and the Bastard 2s headed down to The George in Windsor in full number 1s to fill their bellies with beer and burgers before cheering on the 1s in their quest to bring home their league against bottom of the table Windsor RFC.

This “Lunch Report” is therefore a celebration of all the good we did this season. It started with some of the usual fines allotted out to help lubricate us before our burgers, fish and chips and Ben Osgood’s ham and eggs arrived which was then swiftly followed by an informal awards ceremony where some top quality medals being handed out to the lucky winners. This season’s winners are:

Top Try scorer

This was rather unsurprisingly done first as it was James Lalor and he wanted to give himself the first medal… 12 tries in all across the season, not a bad shift even if a few of those came off the back of our (mostly mine) excellent scrummaging.

Top Points Scorer

Another unsurprising one as this went to the walkovers! We had 6 in total which is a tad depressing… let’s hope rugby picks up again even if the RFU are trying their best to push even more players out of the game. I suppose if we have to give it to a player then we could give it to Max Dugdale who scored 45 out of 59 conversions (and I think some tries) which at 76% means he’s far better than Owen Farrell in an England shirt!

Best Try

Quite a few contenders for this given some of the joué we’ve played this year but a clear winner for George Nellany’s screamer against Rosslyn Park (don’t remember which one) where he went from one corner to the opposite burning up the plastic turf along the way.

Moment of the season

This one was easy… Josh Asafu-Adjaye got it for scoring in the 84^th minute against Belsize Park and effectively winning the league for us. Incredible moment that sent the whole of Regent’s Park into raptures. He even managed to keep hold of his kit at the end of the night this time!

Dick of the season

Tough category this one… special mentions go to Matt Smitherman for always being late, Cookie for submitting the score late and costing us a point and of course the Dugdales for, well, being Dugdales. But the winner had to be Dougy Maxwell for not putting the ball down over the try line against Cornish which could’ve sealed the league a week early.

Best Alacadoo

Ben Osgood for his ever present beer, gilet and tour blazer combo. A fair better look than his pink rugby boots…

Best Twins

The Vaughans of course, very little competition on this one after all 😉

Best Coach

Special mention has to go to Nugget who managed to win 2 leagues in one weekend but no one can match Huw Parks and his two games in the coach’s jacket.

Best Injury

Another tough category with nominations including James Maddigan getting hit in the plumbs, Ben Osgood’s concussion, Huw Parks’ concussion, Max Dugdale’s concussion, Dylan Bliski’s concussion (the RFU might be onto something…) but the winner had to be Sandy Duncan for getting sniped in the hamstring as he was running through to score in the only game where we were nilled this season. Really could’ve done with that try just for a bit of pride.

The Good Egg prize

Given for always bringing his speaker, grabbing the kit, water bottles, med bag, warming the bench when he didn’t want to and many other things that just generally go unnoticed, including writing excellent match reports, this went to two time try scorer in the season (5 tries if you count all the push over scrums that Ash or Lalor pinched) Rob McKeon.

Rig of the Year

Hotly contested (p

un intended) between a couple of lads in the backs but the award went to James Maddigan narrowly edging out George Nellany. Every front rower who played this season was gracious enough to concede this one so the backs could win it for once.

And finally the highest award of the day: Most Improved

There could only be one contender for this given he’s now a fully-fledged member of the front row; Ash Mitchell who celebrated by stealing a dog, classic Ash! He’ll be up for the award next year too if he manages to hit some lineouts. Hopefully he improves his haircuts but that might be a stretch…

Well-deserved lads, some of the rugby we’ve played this year has been truly special. With new jewellery adorned and the stomachs replete the Bastard 2s had a bit of a sing along in the pub to Country Roads and We Are The Champions before heading over to watch the 1s play in the shadow of Windsor Castle. What a beautiful backdrop for a spot of rugby and the sun came out to make the photos look even better. I won’t provide a report on the 1s game, not just because I was too drunk to remember it, but because I was paying more attention to the hymn sheet than the game so head over to the website to get the lowdown. SPOILER ALERT they won, so we went to the bar to watch the 6 nations and make it well known to all at Windsor RFC that the Bastard 2s were champions.

The best moment of the day however came shortly after Windsor’s live music act offered us a rendition of Country Roads when Steve Harris, in nought but his Oddballs Budgie Smugglers, sprinted through the bar to grab us and tell us to get in the changing room because the 1s had won the league! Cue utter pandemonium as 50 odd piled in together to create a lifelong memory which even the copious amounts of beer we were about to drink couldn’t dull. What an incredible moment for the club and great reward for all of us who poured our heart and souls into season. We celebrated long into the night with multiple pubs visited in Windsor (I can’t remember which one didn’t serve us) before shoe-ys on the train from Captain Joe’s boot and a couple of stops on the way back to the Temperance. Someone else will have to fill you in on what happened in the Durell or Le Fez as I had headed home by that point!

What a day, what a night, what a weekend… what a time to be a Hammer. I’ll sign off for the year in the words of the great Ross Anderson “It’s good to be good, but it’s fucking great to be great!” Up the Bastard 2s

Appendix

It truly was a squad effort so I thought it would be a nice gesture to list all of the 70+ lads who played for the team this year:

Adam Crompton	Cyprien Dumont	Jack Hooper	Milo Story
Adam Howell	Dan Arase	Jack MacGregor	Pete Clark
Adam Stannard	Dan Gispert	Jake Cheetham	Rich Vaughan
Ainsley Howard	Dan Whitaker	Jake Sopher	Richard Moon
Alexander Chong Kwan	Doug Maxwell	James Lalor	Rob McKeon
Alfie Clouston	Dylan Bliski	James Lo	Rob Vaughan
Andrew Rogan	Ed Farrer	James Maddigan	Robbie Murdoch
Ash Mitchell	Ed Wynne	Jamie Grist	Rory Gibson
Ben Dugdale	Fergus Macmillan	Josh Asafu-Adjaye	Rory Nichol
Ben Hatton	George Nellany	Logan Collins	Ross Anderson
Ben Hibberd	Gethin Bugler	Marshall Macleod	Sam Monkley
Ben Navavi	Hadyn Gouldie	Mart Oomen	Sandy Duncan
Ben Osborne	Harrison Moy	Matt Newman	Scott Van Berckell
Bryce Morgan	Harry Brace	Matt Smitherman	Will Donegan
Charlie Keane	Hugh Symons	Matthew Jones	Will Parker
Chris Ralph	Huw Parks	Max Dugdale	Zak Underwood
Connor Sprutz	Jack Bonner	Mike Cook	Zander Stephen
Conor Burke	Jack Costello	Ollie Weaver

Full list of Results:

Home	Score	Away
Hammersmith & Fulham II	HWO	Old Streetonians II
Hammersmith & Fulham II	24 – 33	New Zealand Kiwis
London Cornish 2nd XV	AWO	Hammersmith & Fulham II
Hammersmith & Fulham II	HWO	Old Haberdashers 2nd XV
Rosslyn Park 4th XV	7 – 24	Hammersmith & Fulham II
Hammersmith & Fulham II	57 – 14	Belsize Park II
H.A.C II	18 – 13	Hammersmith & Fulham II
Hammersmith & Fulham II	HWO	London Welsh Druids
Rosslyn Park Bs	22 – 44	Hammersmith & Fulham II
New Zealand Kiwis	17 – 43	Hammersmith & Fulham II
Old Haberdashers 2nd XV	AWO	Hammersmith & Fulham II
Hammersmith & Fulham II	60 – 27	Rosslyn Park 4th XV
Belsize Park II	36 – 37	Hammersmith & Fulham II
Hammersmith & Fulham II	49 – 19	H.A.C II
London Welsh Druids	19 – 15	Hammersmith & Fulham II
Hammersmith & Fulham II	38 – 8	London Cornish 2nd XV
Hammersmith & Fulham II	18 – 5	Rosslyn Park Bs
Old Streetonians II	AWO	Hammersmith & Fulham II

Hammers leave it to the last second!

16th March 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

I, Ben Hatton, start this match report thinking its going to be quite Canadian in its content, as it will be based around two apologies. Let’s kick things off though with the first; I am rubbish at remembering events. Piled onto this the fact is that I didn’t know I was going to be doing this meant that I took no notes of what happened. So if I miss that moment of delicious ruggers that you’ve been drooling over for the past few days, I can only apologise.

Windsor were the opposition on a brisk yet bright Spring day, and the boys arrived knowing that nothing but a bonus point win would be acceptable. The “Bastard 2s” also made the trip down to provide amazing, vocal, and well-lubricated support from the sidelines. Their hooker loved every minute… Mark unfortunately was away but the delectable ‘Le Nuge’ and the incomparable Stephen Organised Fun” Harris were there to look after the lads.

After a strong warm up the boys played into the wind in the first half, but soon found it tough going. Handling errors mixed with a little indiscipline meant that the Hammers spent much of the opening stanza penned in, but some solid defence kept Windsor’s respectable attack at bay. Eventually from a kick return, the ball was thrown wide. ‘Tim Tim oh my Tim’ hit a beautiful line on the switch and scythed through the defence like an inconspicuous iguana. Easy conversion from ‘Carolaña’ and Hammers went into halftime 7-0 up.

Straight after the second half started Hammers scored again, with ‘señorita Carolaña’ getting the offload away to Tim ‘Le Snack’ Russell who drew in the 15 and put in ‘my head’s full of Bryce’ who dotted down. Unfortunately, Hammers got complacent – Windsor came straight back at the boys and banged away on the Hammers try line. More penalties resulted, with the boys deeply frustrated that even when they strung together a sexy bit of play, unforced errors led to needless yards lost through indiscipline. Eventually, Windsor fought their way over. Well-played.

The Hammers then started to lose their heads and make the challenge of reaching 4 try target much harder to achieve. ‘Tickle that Zak’ got a team yellow for not rolling away, despite his protestations about being held in and couldn’t move. He was followed by ‘Tinn Russell’ got a yellow for making a poor attempt at the high tackle.

At this point it dawned on our heroes that if they had any notions of getting promoted, they’d have to dig in, and dig in they did. Against the run of play, the next score came from ‘great Scott!’ (Back to the Future reference), capitalising off the back of some powerful forward work and a scrum that was making meters. Twas, beautiful forward-dominated rugby, with good hands and forward momentum, backed by a vociferous hammer crowd.

At this point, ‘Zak Efron’ returned to the field after his yellow, only to see his team mate, Bryce “Bruce” Morgan getting filled in by Windsor’s 7 foot tall 9. Zac decides to save him, throws a few handbags, only to receive his second yellow of the game, racking up an impressive 9 minutes of game time. Hey ho, that’s rugby isn’t it?

The boys were now in a race against the clock – 14 men on, 4 minutes left, 1 try needed to get the must-win bonus point. Windsor played conservatively and kept the ball under their jumpers, and had that pattern continued they would’ve prevented our heroes prevailing – but wait…

Dr Steve “Do I tell you I’m a doctor?” John….

Yes, the talisman had returned after his self-imposed exile. A little smaller, a little flabbier in certain places, replete with his usual average banta, but no one can get a turn over like Steve John. And he came through like the master proctologist he is – getting his hands in the tight spaces and manhandling the ball until Windsor relented and gave it up.

The boys were on, but they were in their own 22 – any error or kick to touch would see the game end. So they kept it alive. Powerful runs from Spicer and Harty up the middle battered their way over the Windsor line. Inches, then meters gained. Desperate hands from Pete Morris and thundering clears from Poulton…more inches…more meters…the boys fought their way into the 22 but they were starting to flag after 80+ minutes…could they get that score…

Step forth “In Joe we trust” Carolan. Shaking not one, not two, but three defenders, the RFU’s almost-leading try scorer broke through the Windsor defence and scooted under the posts to get the bonus point and effectively win us the league! Cue fireworks, cue tears of joy, cue lots of sweaty jumping :). Massive thanks to the Bastard 2’s for making such an unbelievable atmosphere.

Final score: 26-7 W

MOTM: Alex Spicer,

DOTD: Zak Underwood

Hammers Women’s 1st XV razzle and dazzle against Medway

6th March 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

The sun was shining down on us last Sunday as we welcomed Medway to Fortress Hurlingham. A beautiful day to be playing rugby (unless you’re in the front row).

Things got off to a flying start straight from kick off with Hammers receiving and setting up strong carries to take us out of our 22 immediately. The forwards went through their phases, driving Medway back and pulling the defence in. Alex W then unleashed the back line with quick hands setting Jess free to speed down the wing for the first try of the match 5-0. Hammers kept the pressure up, carrying hard into the Medway 22 and putting them under pressure at the set piece. A lovely cross-field kick from Alex W from a scrum on the Medway 5 metre caught their wingers napping and Jess dotted down her second in the corner 10-0. As Medway started to struggle with injuries, the tries kept coming for Hammers. Another wonderfully weighted kick from Alex put Jess under the posts again for an excellent hattrick 15–0. Chloe E was the next to get in on the scoring when a clearance kick from Medway went straight to Alex. Chloe E then put on the gas and outpaced the chasing Medway defence 22-0. The next score was also a lovely piece of backs play from a line out with hard lines fixing the Medway defence before a perfectly timed pass from Ellie H-P put Sally away to score under the posts 29-0. Finally a forward scored with Kaye bursting through the Medway defence and over the whitewash 36-0. Half-time.

With Medway rapidly losing players and having no replacements, it was agreed that we would play 10s for 20 minutes after halftime to take us to the 60 minute mark so the match would stand. Switching to 10s and the wonderful sunshine started to create a summer festival atmosphere – all that was missing was the beer instead of water breaks. Both teams took advantage of the extra space, scoring twice each to make the final 20 minutes a draw. Tara cut through the Medway defence with a lovely line and Amy D scored a classic 9 try with a quick tap and go from a penalty. 50-12 final score.

First a big thank you for Medway for coming down with 15 players and making a good game of it. A great performance for all involved – it was awesome to see so many players pulling on the 1s jersey for the first time this season and everyone made a great contribution to the match. It was a backs scoring day but it was a team performance with the hard work of the forwards creating that space out wide. All our hard work paying off, as the phases came together nicely this week. Let’s keep it up as we face up against Battersea this weekend.

Forward of the match – Georgie Colling

Back of the match – Jess Sass

Super Sub – Amy DufF

Hammers emerge victorious in local derby!

6th March 2023/in Men's Match Report, Senior News

Saturday afternoon was off to a confusing start in Hammersmith. Cries of “outrageous” were heard as Ian came to terms with warming up on a cone-less pitch; and rumor has it Alex Hart even turned up on time. Sadly, the VEO didn’t capture Ian’s warm-up withdrawal symptoms, but it did capture a beautiful kick for territory from Joe Carolan to start the game and set us up strongly in the opposition half.

Life is usually easier when you are playing in the opposition’s half of the pitch… but here at Hurlingham we don’t like an easy life. Hammers were doing their best to make life difficult. Quick successions of penalties and a lack of discipline had allowed Cornish to proceed down the field one chunk at a time.

It was back and forwards in the first half. Cornish were first to put points on the board, after an attritional period of mauling and forward carries eventually breaking the line. Hammersmith then swiftly answered back with the first of Joe Carolan’s tries, never underestimate the man who J Lo called “sneakily fast”. Hammersmith’s defense was once again tested with some strong direct carriers for Cornish’s second try. There was a suggestion that one of the Cornish players was blocking the tackler and accidentally offside. Having reviewed the VEO footage this was inconclusive…

Ross, who can usually be relied on for a kick up the metaphorical backside, was a little more subdued and quieter than usual. The colour had been drained from his, already Scottish, face by a terrible case of man-flu. Clearly the Haribo and Lucozade pre-match cocktail needed topping up. Some further pressure from the Hammers and some quick thinking and even quicker offloads put Joe back under the sticks for his second try.

At the risk of sounding too much like a football pundit, it was evidently a game of two halves. The passes that didn’t go to hand in the first half now did in the second. Those of you who have been subjected to a holiday in the sunny south-west probably know that Cornish pasties come out of the oven hot; but when they start cooling down they go cold quickly. The defensive line that faltered in the first half did not break in the second and Hammersmith showed the persistence that has earned them a top of the table spot.

Much was made of how Cornish had scrummed strongly against Old Priorian’s the prior week. The mid-week session studying the dark arts, taught by Professor Swainston, had clearly paid off. Iron sharpens iron and the Hammers pack were strong at set piece. The jury is still out on whether Pete Clarke’s new studs were the independent variable but at least we don’t have to set up a crowd-funding page for new boots anymore. The line out worked similarly efficiently; forcing a defensive turnover which Hammersmith converted into 7 points. Matt Killeen would not be denied, dragging three defenders with him, placing the ball down over the line with authority.

The gaps that had disappeared in the first half were now starting to open. Prime hunting ground for ‘snakehips’ Pete Morris waltzing through the Cornish defence for an 80m gallop. Ross, then capitalizing on this opportunity swapped his current flu for a case of white line fever, sneaking down a completely abandoned blindside secured another Hammers try.

Joe Carolan, who has now slipped to the country’s joint 5th top try scorer, is clearly on a mission to catch ‘Name Withheld’ from Valkryies ladies. He was not satisfied with only two tries for the day. Successive late strikes into the opposition half proved fruitful with a final trio of tries coming for Byrce, Ollie and eventually Carolan again. Three tries in one game is borderline excessive, but over the head offloads to Ollie Weaver are encouraged.