As the old saying goes, good things come to those who wait. Which is true of both the game against Old Haberdashers and this match report.

After over a month without rugby, Hammers 1XV returned after the Christmas break with a hotly anticipated match against Old Haberdashers. Though the conditions were dire, the excitement around Hurlingham Park was palpable as the crowd began to grow.

With the wind gathering and rain beginning to fall, Hammers kicked off the first half. With a bit of aerial tennis to start the game, both teams tried to gain a foothold in the game. Eventually it was Old Habs who won a penalty and hoofed it deep into the Hammers half, however nothing was to come of it.

The next real action came after a sliced clearance kick from Old Habs, with Hammers applying some good pressure before a great kick into the Old Habs 22 resulted in a 5-metre lineout. Hammers turned the lineout over, however knocked it on. Old Habs cleared well from the resulting scrum penalty. Poor discipline then cost Hammers again, giving away a penalty at the breakdown which Old Habs kicked well into the Hammer half. After some good pressure and a few scrum penalties, Old Habs took the lead with a kick at goal. 0-3 Old Habs.

Hammers then applied pressure, with some sustained time in the Old Habs half. Though they did defend well, Old Habs could consider themselves very fortunate to not be down to 14 men with their centre giving away two very blatant deliberate knock-ons in their own 22. With festive spirit still running high, the referee decided to leave the offences unpunished.

Both teams ground out the first half, evidently struggling with some post-Christmas lethargy, as nothing else really happened. Half time and the score was still 0-3 Old Habs.

It was much of the same for start of the second half until the galloping Alex Spicer made a fantastic break through the middle of the Old Habs defence. After being brought down just short of the try line, Hammers recycled the ball quickly and span it out wide before Bryce Morgan finished well in the corner. Calls of “That’s more like it Hammersmith” and “About bloody time” could be heard from the touchline, and right they were. Conversion missed, 5-3 Hammers.

 It was Old Habs who struck next. After building some good phases in the Hammers half, they caught the defence sleeping on the blindside. It was the most of routine finishes, however it left a difficult kick out wide which could not be converted. 5-8 Old Habs.

 At this point Hammers realised they were in a game and remembered how to play rugby. A missed kick to touch by Old Habs allowed Hammers to quickly counter. 3 slick passes later and Ed Haynes was in under the posts. Conversion easily slotted, 12-8 Hammers.

 After some back and forth between the two teams, Hammers won a well worked line out and carried hard for two phases before cutting back against the flow of play. The Old Habs defence parted like the Red Sea and Joe Carolan jogged in under the posts. Another simple conversion followed, 19-8 Hammers.

 Next, it was time for Old Habs’ discipline to cause them some problems. With the ball bouncing around in the corner and no one committed to diving on it, it bobbled over the Old Habs try line. Tim Russell looked sure to dive on it and score were in not for an incredibly cynical pull from Old Habs. The ref was not impressed and awarded a penalty try. 26-8 Hammers.

 In true Hammers fashion, a strong finish ensued. Joe Carolan made a great break before being brought down at the Old Habs 5 metre line.  After a couple of offloads, the ball ended up on the floor. Miraculously, it appeared right at Carolan’s feet as he stood up and he flopped over the line for the easiest finish of the season. Conversion spooned wide, 31-8 Hammers.

 After a good take from the subsequent kick off, some clever play from Dugdale at the base of the ruck led to a great break. He squared up the last Old Habs defender and unselfishly gave the ball to Tim Russell who dotted down for Hammers final try of the game. Conversion made, 38-8 Hammers.

 There was time for one final kick off, however there were no more points to be scored. Like many games of late, Hammers started slow but ended well. Old Habs made a great game of it, with a much grittier performance than the reverse fixture earlier in the season.

Final Score: Hammersmith & Fulham 38 – 8 Old Haberdashers

Special Mention to Ricky Drewitt who played his final game for Hammers before moving home to Southampton. Whilst we will not be retiring his squad number or putting a statue in the car park, he will be missed at the club.

With losses and cancellations the order of the day for December, Hammers 4^th XV ended 2022 on a sour note; the lads eager to get back to winning ways in 2023.

Fattened up on minced pies, boy did they show it. With the weather looking biblical from the offset, a strong squad graced the passing public with an exhibition in defensive doggedness in the Regent’s Park rain.

Perennial rivals Belsize came out swinging, and in the opening stages a good-natured heavyweight slug ensued on the soft turf. Turnovers mounted as the tackles rained down, the ref letting the game flow; Belsize, like the rain, regularly coming in at the side.

After putting up with the dodgy chat of distant relatives all Christmas, it was clear to see players from both sides weren’t here to fuck spiders. Following a succession of particularly bone-crunching hits, slippery eel Sam Nursery cleared up a loose ball and ghosted through the middle of the park to set Hammers 7-up.

Five minutes of goal-line defence later, Hammers escaped their own 22, only for fly-half Joel Mariner to, unsurprisingly, have difficulty finding touch kicking into a gale force crosswind. Fortunately for Hammers, in his first rugby match in 6 months debut wing Will Ridge got to the bouncing ball first, and scurried under the sticks for 7 more.

Fortuitous? Maybe. Cue the music.

Belsize came roaring back, with quick ball and structured phase play, in a pulsating 10-minute spell that robbed the oxygen of even the suspiciously trim-looking Steve Danby. When they did get their hands on the ball, Hammers looked out on their feet, and struggled to hold on to it against a physical Belsize team not used to losing.

The New Year’s Eve hangovers suddenly seemed much less than a week prior as Hammers players desperately pulled their muckers back into the defensive line to try and stem the tide. It was in vain – a brace of quickfire scores out wide pulled Belsize near-level.

But, with spirit aplenty, Hammers came back fighting. Stand up and be counted, you ugly bastards:

Stand-in scrum-half Sam Smith had the best view as the 8-man tractor engine, commonly referred to as the Hammersmith & Fulham 4^th team scrum, motored up the park so convincingly they nearly fell down the stairs at Baker Street station.

Strong running lines and impressively disciplined phase play from the imperious forwards set the electric backline up to put Hammers within arms-length of the whitewash; Guy Woodhouse and Ben Osgood impressing with clever running lines that made you briefly wonder if the Fiji team were running through their trick book at the Dubai Sevens – never mind the weather.

Man of the match Russel Wingfield, a willing runner and leading tackler all day, eventually crossed to send Hammers into the break exhausted but pumped, and – crucially – 21-12 ahead. Spirits up.

Coach Ian’s fitness sessions paid dividends as the second half got underway: Belsize began to go backwards in attack as Hammers turned the screw and exerted more control on the game, eventually turning a composed rear-guard action into a full-frontal assault on the Belsize boys.

On another day Belsize could have been down to 13 or 14, with the ref having a few choice words as the goal-line penalties mounted. The cheddar stayed sheathed however, and after some further questionable competition at the breakdown, Hammers were stuck with slow ball, leading to a few spurned opportunities.

A minute of missed chances was the only black mark in an otherwise clean book for the boys in red, but one which did lead to some bizarre sights such as Ben WasGood attempting a through-the-legs pass.

Dick of the day? You’d have thought so.

Eventually Wingfield broke through for his deserved second after scrummie Smithy managed some quicker ball and attacked the fringes, but with hooker Danby somehow allowing himself to get charged down on the conversation it was still a two-score game heading into the final 15 (another DOTD contender, you’d have thought).

Increasingly desperate attempts to break through came from the never-say-die Belsize team, with only a last-ditch intervention from back row Jack McGregor allowing Clement Bourdin and full-back Nursery to hold the powerful Belsize backs up over the line in the final 5 mins.

Hammers held out for an impressive second-half clean sheet, and after a short half-marathon to the Belsize Pub enjoyed a few jars with the opposition. Final score, 26-12, bring on the Semis.

“You can learn a line from a win and a book from a defeat” – Paul Brown, NFL coach

As the Hammers 1^st XV rolled into Beaconsfield RFC on a cold December Saturday, much learning could be found in the previous weekend’s loss. Memories of the missed kicks, missed tackles and missed opportunities were still fresh in the mind and would make for a tough chapter in the Tome that is Hammersmith & Fulham: from Swings to Red Trees.  Conscious that the previous encounter with Beaconsfield had resulted in a 87-3 win however, the boys were keen to right some wrongs and pen the next edition of their odyssey; one of victory, of 5 points, and of a performance worthy of our place at the top of the table.

Alas, if the Hammers thought that Beaconsfield had spent the intervening 10 games reading picture books predicting their inevitable defeat, they were mistaken. It was a much-changed team that greeted the Hammers that day and, heartened by an uncharacteristic fumble by Ricky “Sliders-are-neat-casual” Drewitt on the kick off, one that came hard at the league leaders from the outset.  Attacking into a sloping coffins’ corner with a directness that belied their place in the annex of Regional 2, it wasn’t long before a Hammers penalty gave Beaconsfield the opportunity for the posts. 3-0 to the home side.

Stung by this unexpected plot twist, the boys came back hard, making several probing attacks into Beaconsfield’s 22 before they were aided by the Beaconsfield 9 playing narrator and backchatting the ref.  Benefiting from an additional 10 meters, the Hammers maul showed its class, powering to the line before a neat set of hands and an offload through the backline found Bryce “Bruce” Morgan on the wing.  The full-stop was provided by Joe Carolan, who in typical fashion easily slotted the side-line conversion.  3-7.

Several phases followed the restart before Joe parried the ball deep into the Beaconsfield half.  The return kick? Charged down by reader-favourite and Legolas-look alike Tim Russell before Rogan, on his 101^st cap, secured a turnover penalty subsequently kicked long to the corner.  Another great line-out followed before Ricky, catching a short pass from Tom Proctor, bedazzled the Beaconsfield 10 with his sidestep and found Ed “Whispers” Haynes running off his shoulder.  Passing to our resident chatterbox saw Ed silently touched down under the posts with nary a sound.  Even Joe couldn’t miss this sitter of a conversion. 3-14.

At this point, Act II began and typical of all good tales, it was here our heroes would face great adversity, regrettably much of it self-inflicted.  Reverting to their original game plan, Beaconsfield attacked narrow and with purpose, aided by the slope and a defensive line afflicted by lethargy.  A series of defensive penalties followed, culminating in Dr Steve John being shown a Yellow Card for repeatedly being a nause.  Despite pressure from the Hammers scrum, Beaconsfield would attack the sloped corner again and batter their way over.  8-14.

The restart would soon find Hammers deep in the Beaconsfield half, but their efforts would be spoiled by offensive penalties, a misfiring attack and a failure to give Ben/Max/Megan Dugdale clean ball at 9. Beaconsfield would fight their way back into the Hammers 40 meters and benefit from another defensive offside penalty.  11-14.

Momentum was shifting.  The Hammers, frustrated by their inability to execute attacking play, were hobbled by continuous penalties, foiled by a lack of possession and pinned by clever play from Beaconsfield who kept the ball tight to the ruck and ran into the bottom corner.  A too-successful Hammers scrum didn’t help when a clean hook by Ricky saw the ball come out unexpectantly fast only to be gathered up by Beaconsfield.  Attacking the corner again, they shortly went over.  18-17.

Our response? The need to finish the half on a positive note bleedingly obvious, a series of quick hands and penetrating runs secured a Hammers penalty right in front of the posts, but with the Hammers’ love of running Rugby ingrained in their character, a quick tap allowed Joe Carolan to slide in for the try.  18-19 at the half.

The boys had a game on their hands with  the second half an the opportunity for our heroes to write the script.  Unfortunately, Beaconsfield was determined to make this story a drama. Opening their account with the same narrow but intelligent attack that had served them so well in the first half, a lackadaisical Hammers defensive line gifted the talented Beaconsfield 10 – their major protagonist – another shot at goal.  21-19.  The Hammers lifted their tempo and quickly struck back. Continuing their domination of the setpiece, a Hammers line-out and driving maul gave our temporary, never-played-this-position-before impromptu substitute 9 Marshall McCloud a platform from which he helped set up Tim Russell for a training ground try. 21-26.

Bonus point secured, the Hammers inexplicably and immediately reopened the door for Beaconsfield thanks to a poorly executed  kick-for-touch. Charged down, Beaconsfield scored in the corner. 26-26.

It was tense, Act III now set for a thriller.  Both sides threw everything they had into the game, with Hammers feeling the pressure on their broad and sculpted shoulders while Beaconsfield chased hard for an elusive win. Eventually finding a rhythm and some soft shoulders, the waters began to part for the diminutive yet lethal kiwi Bryce, whose ability to duck out of tackles can only be explained by his long experience of dodging immigration and declarable taxes. Linking with Marshall and Ed, Bryce repeatedly found space in the 13 channel, unlucky not to score thanks to a blatant tap-down followed shortly by a surely-red-definitely-yellow-somehow-nothing yellow card for a high tackle. The referees pockets inexplicably sewn shut, tempers were running hot.

The boys tried again. And again. And again.  Finally securing a penalty for offside, they kicked to the corner, confident in their ability to maul a try. Ricky’s throwing, getting straighter every week, found its mark.  All went in for the heave-ho.  Forward momentum was gained.  We were on.  Even the backs – unsure what the “pushing in the maul” was but having a good guess – got involved, giving a reassuring pat on the back of the forward in front of them.  To the line they went…

…only for the unstoppable Hammers steam train to inexplicably collapse right on the line.

Thankfully, the referee had seen enough, and a penalty try was given.  The game all but over, the lads saw the match out deserved 33-26 winners, but know there was much left to improve if their path to promotion is to remain straight and true…

Tin Man: Steve John for being a nause

Man of Match: Steve John, for being a hard nause

After a tough start in NC1, it was time to start putting it all together and boy did we do that. The first half was nail bitingly close, both teams being held to nil for most of the 40. The Hammers defence and support that we’ve been working tirelessly on for the last couple weeks held strong and some great backs moves definitely knocked on the Teddington door but it was the Antlers who managed to score first with about 10 mins to go in the first half: 7-0.

Tara nudged a penalty over for Hammers bringing it back to 7-3 to close the half.

Antlers again opened the scoring in the second half with an unconverted try: 12-3 to Teddington.

However, it was during the 2^nd half that Hammers got busy. The fitness started to come through and Teddington could not keep up with the pace. A few dominant scrums from Hammers, a number of stolen line outs and some hard running from the backs and suddenly try to the Hammers by Jess Sass: 12-8 to Teddington. Another score by Lola and one by Whylie on her debut both converted by Tara then a final sealing of the deal by 2s top try scorer Jess Sass securing that bonus point!

Final Score: 27-12.  The progression of this squad is unbelievable and we can’t wait to see what else we have in the tank for the rest of the season.

Forward of the Match: Lauren Williams

Back of the Match: Jess Sass!

A surprisingly dry afternoon at HQ was the venue for this weekend’s fixture against Amersham & Chiltern- A rivalry that stretches back…to one pre-season fixture, but to some, a lifetime. With both sides bringing along plenty of support, it was sure to be a feisty affair- No love lost between this author and his former team, as he had been constantly reminded in the build-up.

Hammers started brightly, controlling much of the possession but struggling to break down the well-set Chiltern defence. A clearing kick from Hammersmith, let down by a lack of chase gave Chiltern’s winger to chance to sneak through a gap and side-step his way under the sticks to open the scoring, converted by centre Noah Jarvis. 0-7 to the visitors.

The next 20 minutes were fought primarily in the centre of the field with a series of lineouts and scrums for both teams- neither of whom were able to make good use of their possession. A turnover outside the Hammers 22 allowed Chiltern to move the ball wide for their centre to dive in for a score in the corner. The conversion was missed….. 12-0. Hammers struck back quickly with an aggressive kick return from debutant Josh allowing quick ball to be sent wide for Joe Carolan to scythe through the Chiltern defence, step the full back and touch down under the posts. Death, taxes and a Joe Carolan try, indeed. 12-7, Half-Time.

Hammers knew a fast start would be integral to build a comeback against a Chiltern team well-up for the fight, but unfortunately, an early scrum gave Chiltern the opportunity to execute an overlap and once again score in the corner, with the conversion missed. Chiltern 17-7.

With time ebbing away, Hammers knew they would need to throw caution to the wind in order to score some points- A turnover in midfield allowed another opportunity for Hammers to send the ball through the hands, allowing Joe to make a half break and send Tim Russell in to the corner, converted from the corner by Carolan. 17-14. With their tails up, Hammers found themselves on the Chiltern line just minutes later and with the Chiltern players offside and a penalty advantage, a floated pass from Dugdale allowed Josh Smith to step the Chiltern Winger inside out and score- A goose step The Rugby Guy would be proud of.

With the conversion missed, Hammers led Chiltern by 2 points heading in to the final 10 minutes, knowing that a bonus point was on offer, as well as a win. An opportunity at a long-range penalty was turned down, in favour of a lineout and a tantalising driving mail.  Unfortunately, the story of Hammers day – missed opportunities crossed with failed execution – was played again, with the inexplicably was then turned over- A moment that would come back to haunt Hammers as, with 2 minutes on the clock, Chiltern won a penalty on Hammers’ 10 metre line, allowing their long-range kicker to regain the lead. Despite a late turnover appearing to have regained possession for Hammers with the clock in the red, the referee awarded a penalty to Chiltern, who kicked it dead to win the game 20-19.

A tough loss for Hammers after hauling themselves back into the game, but credit to Chiltern for what surely must be their standout performance of the season. Shoutout to Rogan and Carolan for their 100th and 50th appearances respectively.

All eyes now turn to this weekend’s fixture vs Beaconsfield, with a mouth-watering prospect of a rematch in Amersham on 4th March in the back of many players minds.