Old Alleynians came to Hurlingham park sat just one place above Hammers in the league, but with some very impressive results in their first season at Level 5, not least their comfortable home win against the Hammers before Christmas, which showed them to be a well-drilled and hard-carrying attacking outfit with a solid defence to boot. Hammers knew that they were within one victory of securing their place in the league next season, whilst OAs are within reach of a commendable top half finish.

The game kicked off and for the first ten minutes the action was largely in Hammers half as we were hard put to it and under pressure. Eventually a line break for OAs down the left led to some desperate last ditch defending, and star winger and player of the season contender Timmy Russell decided he was sick of sampling meat pies every week and wanted a nice fat slice of cheddar instead.  He stuck a hand out at the back of ruck to deliberately knock the ball down and received a yellow card for cynical foul play, trotting off for a breather after barely breaking a sweat.

OAs went to the corner but some rugged maul defence from our forward pack held them up over the line to give hammers a reprieve. Unfortunately Sam Seymour’s (another player of the season contender if there ever was one) goal line drop kick dribbled along and barely cleared the 22 so the respite was brief. After some patient and tidy attack OAs crashed over  and converted to lead 7-0.

Marcus McNeil, Hammer’s leading tackler, warming up his shoulders.

The next ten minutes were spent between the 22s with some territorial play and a spot of kick tennis. Eventually OAs gained the upper hand and had a lineout in the Hammers 22. Their maul was rumbling along nicely and a second score looked inevitable before the OAs hooker spotted a white streak beneath him and fell to the floor, but had mistaken the 5m for the tryline and was well short of his mark. Instant dick of the day, made worse when Jackler Supreme Sam Seymour pounced on the idiot and won a penalty for the Hammers. Unfortunately we failed to manufacture a clean exit from our territory, and were back in our 22 under pressure just a few phases later. This pressure resulted in a penalty just left of the post, but OAs kicker on an otherwise flawless day out missed this sitter. A missed pen, a held up try, and a try over the 5m meant that hammers could consider themselves fortunate to have weathered this early storm with only a 7 point deficit to show for it.

From the 22 drop out after the missed pen, with his earlier effort no doubt front of mind, the Eversharp Senor Seymour took a short drop out to himself to regain possession for Hammers. A penalty for a late tackle gave hammers excellent field position, and Captain Tom went to a sneaky lineout move that has very much become a banker for the hammers in these last few weeks. The move goes as follows: [REDACTED]. Games are won and lost on those top two inches. Joe ‘Los Cojones Dorados’ Carolan converted and it was 7-7 after 15 minutes.

Hammers had woken up and were looking much more fluent. Eoin Baker, of Cornwall, and Josh Asafu-Adjaye, of munchkinland, led the way with strong carrying and linked up to put Eoin clear through with a Dugdale on his shoulder and only the full back to beat but was pulled back as the ref had accidentally obstructed an OAs defender.

We gained field position through back to back breakdown infringements from OAs, before some patient attack and building through the phases gave an opportunity for Sam to link up down the blindside with a Dugdale, (likely Ben), before the ball was offloaded to Timmy, who decided he rather preferred meat pies to cheddar and finished nicely in the corner. Joe slotted the conversion to make it 14-7.

Following the restart hammers cleared well but found themselves very much asleep at the wheel in the kick chase. Eeeeeeeeoin Baker chased well and tackled his man into touch, during which time the OAs lad through an ambitious round the back offload which may have strayed a few yards forward. Unfortunately no refs whistle was forthcoming and the only player in the vicinity to keep playing was the OAs scrum half, who collected nicely for a clean break before dishing infield for a simple score. Converted to make it 14-14.

More bad news for Hammers at the restart. Little Josh AA chased hard with his eyes on the ball, but unfortunately did not rise as high as the OAs catcher (how could the lad, he’s knee high to a daisy). He accidentally took out the receiver in the air, and saw yellow for it.

From the penalty kick to touch, Seb ‘the padlock’ Rivet was an absolute nuisance in the OAs maul, forcing them to get the ball out and a poor kick from the OAs flyhalf went straight down Timmy’s throat. After beating two defenders, he returned the kick with interest and chased hard to force OAs to touch down behind their line for a Hammers scrum 5m out.

A slick backs move straight from the training paddock gave Joe Carolan a half gap, as defenders rushed to meet him he threw a lovely long ball to Max Dugdale who splashed down in the corner. Conversion missed, 19-14 at half time.

The second half started cagily, eventually those two recurring Hammers demons raised their ugly heads once more: silly offloads and poor discipline. This gave OAs territory and possession and their well-drilled attack worked through the phases before scoring off a good forward carry off 9.

Errors were compounded as immediately after kickoff OAs kicked the ball to the hammers backfield where some sloppy passing saw the ball go to deck to be collected by the OAs chaser who scored under the sticks.

Suddenly hammers were 19-28 down.

Seb Rivett ready to spoil OA’s lineout

A better restart followed and Hammers showed some life. A strong defensive set resulted in some kick tennis, and the remarkable sight of veteran prop Andrew Rogan finding himself in backfield, taking a clean catch before distributing to Ben Dugdale. Strong carries again from Eoin, Josh, and number 8 Steve John gave hammers ascendancy before another loose offload turned over possession and OAs went haring up the field. A classic Joe Carolan rip turnover gave a slight reprieve but the clearing kick didn’t go far. Again with territory and possession OAs showed how clinical they can be, stretching the hammers defence off first phase before a series of good forward carries gave their 9 multiple runners to pick from and he didn’t miss, finding their number 8 and eventual man of the match, who scored under the sticks.

19-35

After this the game opened up a bit and both sides played rather helter skelter. A trademark jackal in midfield from flyhalf Mackerel McDoogle followed by a quick tap penalty and some nice hands took Hammers up to the OAs 5m, but unfortunate the support was not there quickly enough and OAs won the penalty at the breakdown. A bit of lip from a Hammer resulted in the ref marching a further 10m and the OAs could get well clear of any danger.

At the lineout Seb Rivet did his best Mr Fantastic impression, reaching up for a glorious lineout steal and then Steve John set off on a rampaging carry to take us into the 22. Hammers stringed a few phases together nicely, before Ben Dugdale beat multiple defenders to finish nicely in the corner.

24-35

The score went unchanged for the final 10 mins despite hammers best efforts to secure a second bonus point. Ultimately a competitive match and a reasonable performance from the men in red. OAs are a strong outfit and good addition to the league and the 3 unanswered tries at the beginning of the second half were the difference between the sides.

Motm: Steve John for a remarkable ‘double double’ of 13 tackles and 10 carries in a real all action display. Special mention to SvB who achieved the elusive ‘double double’, and club captain Jonesy for ably stepping up to the first XV when the call for props came.